High Speed Dreaming - November 27

Wow - where did the week go?  I didn't write all week and I am trying to write every day.  I would say it is weird but I was able to get outside and make videos every day this week - maybe that is my writing this week.  I was able to get some fun duck videos and more muskrats underwater.

But this post is about my dreams and I think I finally figured out why I wake up so exhausted every morning.  I dream at high speed.  It is like I am previewing video and skimming through it using my computer mouse to control the speed.  This is faster than playing it in high speed and allows me to skip through 10 minutes of no action video to find the 2 seconds of a muskrat swimming by or a snake coming out of a hole.  My dreaming may be an unanticipated and unwanted artifact of the way I record hard to video wildlife.  

If I want to record a snake in a hole, or a mouse running next to the wall, or a muskrat carrying food into its burrow, I typically set up my camera, hit record, walk away, and come back in an hour.  This gives the animal time to get use to the camera and then behave naturally.  Without "eyes" staring at it, the animal will often just go about its business.  This makes for extremely long videos with nothing moving in it until that 2 second burst of activity.  So when I am reviewing the video to see what I got, I swing the mouse cursor over the video and play it back at really high speed that really doesn't have a speed - sometimes it is slower and sometimes it is faster.  And when I spot something moving in the video, I go back and forth to figure out what it is.  This is how I dream.  And it is exhausting.

This type of video is highly successful - I am able to capture things that we talk about but rarely, if ever see.  That is my mind.  So I am going to embrace dreaming in high speed from now on and not let it frustrate me.  It might still be exhausting but at least I know I am capturing something special.

Slow Motion Swimming - November 23

Well - I missed two days of writing.  I have been in a complete anxiety fog.  New covid restrictions just came out and I have no idea how that will affect the Lab.  All I can do is try to stay positive and keep moving forward.  We have to survive this virus.  That anxiety has completely buried me. 

But I have found a pond that has a lot of muskrats in it and that presented a new challenge to me.  I want to video muskrats underwater. This not an easy task because muskrats are extremely fast swimmers.  They have to be.  There are so many predators that would catch them if they were slow but they can easily out swim a mink, snapping turtle, or even a large bass.  But this makes for a very difficult video to capture.

Muskrat Leaving Its Burrow on Day 2

So I spent 3 afternoons last week trying to capture a muskrat underwater and each day I got a little better at it.  The first day, all I got were fish.  The second day, my camera was too close to the underwater entrance of the muskrat burrow but I did capture one going in and out.  The third day was better.  I set my GoPro up outside the burrow with a 16mm wide angle lens on it (it is a digital lens) and I captured the muskrat going in and out several times.  The trouble is that they swim way to fast for it to be an interesting video (less than one second in the frame) so I had to slow it down.  I got the video I wanted but all it makes me want to do is go back again and again to get different angles and perspectives.  Muskrats are fascinating!

So what does this all mean?  All my writing that I have been doing lately (I am not publishing it right now - it is painful but necessary as I heal) is exactly what I learned about muskrats.  It is all happening extremely fast - too fast for me.  Yes, it is a part of my healing but it is all way too fast.  Things at the Lab are happening too fast as well.  I CANNOT KEEP UP!  Everything is passing me like a muskrat underwater - way too fast to be of any use.  But I am capturing it all - now I just need to slow it down to make it useful.  I have slowed down the muskrat to just 10 percent of its normal speed.  I need to make lists of the anxiety in my world and slow it down.  This can be done and it will allow me to see the world at a pace that I can react to and catch that damn muskrat.

Rattlesnakes

I just got off the phone with a Ranger with the City of Boulder Openspace and Mountain Parks.  She had texted me that it was a very interesting snake weekend in Boulder County and that definitely peaked my interest.  I started off the conversation by asking her if she had heard about the two rattlesnake bites in Eldorado Springs Canyon over the weekend.  She laughed and told me that there had been 5 rattlesnake bites on City Openspaces over the weekend.  Her laughter wasn't at the bites but at my gross underestimation of human-rattlesnake encounters.  My information was from a local fire chief that had helped extract the canyon bite recipients.  It was clearly outdated and underestimated.

So why all these rattlesnake bites in one weekend?  That is why the Ranger reached out to me.  She wanted to brainstorm and talk it through.  I could only tell her one thing - cow pies.  Rattlesnakes emerged from hibernation in my area in the middle of April.  They have been fasting all winter and are hungry.  It is now the end of May (at least last weekend) and they have either gotten a meal already and are digesting someplace safe from humans or they haven't gotten a meal and they are starving.  So why would I say cow pies?  Well, hungry and hunting rattlesnakes coil themselves into a small circle, hide their tails (rattles) under a body coil so it doesn't make noise, and wait.  They wait for days until a prey item happens in front of them and then they strike fast and hard to deliver a deadly (to rodents not humans or dogs - at least not the prairie rattlesnake that lives in Boulder County) cocktail of digestive enzymes (venom) into their prey.  Although instead of a small rodent or lagomorph (rabbit), five hunting rattlesnakes mistaking bit humans this past weekend.  My guess is based upon that none of the bites were preceded by a rattle and all of the bites occurred on the feet or lower legs of humans.  I could be wrong and at this point, it doesn't really matter.  We will need more data to really draw conclusions about each one of these bites but that is not the purpose of this blog post.  The purpose is to talk about how to safely enjoy our openspaces and avoid encounters with rattlesnakes.

Cow Pie waiting in ambush for a small rodent.  It is my opinion that these are the rattlesnakes most likely to bite a human as mistaken identity.  I would love to have someone study what is needed to make this snake strike.  Is it just a warm object (rodent, human foot) or do they need chemical cues (smell) as well?

We will first talk about how to stay safe with just you and your family and then end with how to stay safe with your dog in rattlesnake country.  If you can remember the word SNAKE, you can stay safe in areas with rattlesnakes.  Here is the acronym blown apart for you to stay Snake Aware:

S - Stay on trail.  This is really difficult as more and more people explore our openspaces but it might just be the most important thing for staying safe.  Rattlesnakes are EXTREMELY cryptic.  They are nearly invisible when in the tall (and short) grasses or next to a rock in a boulder field.  Once you leave the trail, your chances of seeing a rattlesnake is greatly reduced.  This creates an opportunity for you to step on or near a cow pie (hunting rattlesnake) and these are the snakes most likely to mistakenly bite a human (they can't eat us so why would they want to bite us?).

N - Never engage, approach, or threaten a rattlesnake.  This might sound like common sense but you would be surprised at the number of males ages 18-30 that can't follow this advice.  They have to catch or worse, try to kill a rattlesnake.  This is a recipe for disaster.  No one has ever been bitten by a rattlesnake that they left alone.  REMEMBER THAT - no one has ever been bitten by a rattlesnake that they have left alone.  So, just leave it alone.  Don't try and get it off the trail.  Don't try and relocate it.  Don't try to kill it.  All of these things increase your risk of being bitten.  Just walk away.

A - Always give a snake room to escape.  This means back away and let the snake do its thing.  When approached, many rattlesnakes will begin to rattle and move backwards away from danger (YOU).  Snakes often freeze and remain frozen for some time, especially if confronted by a something larger than them.  This makes it harder to believe that the snake just wants to get away from you as it sits frozen in front of you.  But by backing away and giving the snake room to flee and escape, it will eventually move again and disappear someplace safe.

K - Know the snakes in your area.  It is surprising to me how little we pay attention to the animals and plants around us.  As a natural historian, I want to know what everything is so that when I find something different, I can get excited and learn more about it. Not all of us are like me, and I am finally beginning to understand that in my old age.  But, if you live in a place where there could be venomous snakes, I implore you to at least learn how to identify them.  Watch this video to learn how to identify a prairie rattlesnake - Prairie Rattlesnake Identification.

E - Everyone (including the humans) goes home safely.  That is, if you stay on trail, never engage a rattlesnake, always give it room to escape, and know the snakes in your area. 

The big take home message is to stay on trail and be snake aware.  Just knowing that you are in an area that potentially has rattlesnakes can increase your chance of seeing it before it sees you.  And if that happens, you can take cool photos and videos to share and have an incredible story to tell.

Now to talk about dogs and rattlesnakes.  Dogs use their incredible sense of smell to explore the world around them.  This is only a problem when they find a skunk or hiking with dogs in rattlesnake country.  Here is a list of 10 things I recommend when hiking with dogs - some might be a bit repetitive but hey, I want you and your dog to be safe.

1. Don't take your dog to places with rattlesnakes.
2. Stay on trail - this means your dog too.
3. Don't use those extendable, retractable leashes - they let your dog wander to where you can't see (like off trail).
4. Don't take your dog to places with rattlesnakes.
5. Stay on trail - this means your dog too.
6. Don't use those extendable, retractable leashes - they let your dog wander to where you can't see (like off trail).
7. Don't take your dog to places with rattlesnakes.
8. Stay on trail - this means your dog too.
9. Don't use those extendable, retractable leashes - they let your dog wander to where you can't see (like off trail).
10. Don't take your dog to places with rattlesnakes.

Hopefully you are both laughing and annoyed at my list but truthfully it is the only way to ensure that your dog doesn't encounter a rattlesnake.  If your dog is off leash and off trail in rattlesnake country, this is like playing with a revolver with one bullet.  You can keep spinning the revolver and pulling the trigger without ever shooting it but then bang, the gun unexpectedly fires.  If you do take your dog into rattlesnake country, stay on the trail and keep your dog on a short leash.  I know I am writing (at least trying to) with a little humor but this is a serious matter.  Dogs are amazing snake bite survivors (approximately 80 percent of dogs bitten by rattlesnakes survive) but why risk it?  There are plenty of places to take your dog for a walk or run that don't have rattlesnakes.  Go there instead.  There are lots of dog training operations that offer rattlesnake avoidance training for your dog but their methods are extremely cruel to both the dog and especially the snakes they use in training.  There is a method being used in Arizona that is amazing for both you, your dog, and snakes.  Maybe with my past as a dog trainer, I should be bringing this method to you here in Boulder County.  Hmmmm.  Add that to my list.

Camera Dreams (I need a sugar daddy )

Tonight kicks off the NFL season with the Chiefs playing the Texans.  I have zero stake or interest in who wins this game but I am watching it.  Well, it is on TV while I wait for my big boys to get home from playing 18 holes at a nearby golf course so I can make them dinner (I finished this post after dinner - we had buffalo chicken sandwiches).  

But what I am really doing it dreaming.  Sony recently released a brand new camera that has incredible low-light capabilities and records in 4K resolution - perfect for my new and ever changing role at the Center for Snake Conservation.  Coronavirus has all but closed My Nature Lab although we are slowly coming back.  I recently brought back one of my employees to run the Open Lab sessions and our Education Director filled all of her programs for the fall.  So that leaves me and what I am doing.  

I am creating a new Virtual Lab program where I create 3 separate and novel lessons each week (you can join for $20/month here:  www.mynaturelab.org/virtual-lab).  This means I am recording, processing, and creating lots and lots of video content for the Lab.  I have 3 video cameras at my disposal but that does NOT stop me from dreaming.  Here are my current cameras and what I use them for and then I will go into my dream camera - the Sony Alpha a7S III Mirrorless Digital Camera.

GoPro Hero 8 - This is a workhorse of a video camera.  Originally designed and purposed as an action camera, it is great for making videos when walking in the field.  Plus it is waterproof so I can use it underwater to record the life below the surface.  I use it almost daily.  It was a gift from my parents last fall and I love it.  Cons - It is only a wide angle camera and cannot record videos of something (think wildlife) more than 3 feet away very effectively.

Sony AX-100 - This is my dedicated 4K video camera that does the bulk of the videos I take.  I bought this camera over 4 years ago and it is starting to age but I still really enjoy using it.  I can set it up on a tripod and it takes INCREDIBLE videos.  Without a tripod, it is pretty much useless as the camera shake is really bad even with the image stabilization turned on. That isn't a problem though as I always have my tripod.  Cons - the view finder is terrible and the view screen does not work in full sun because of the terrible glare.

iPhone 11 Pro - This is relatively new camera in my arsenal and I really enjoy it.  I wish it had a bigger sensor but for videos made for viewing on phones and tablets, it really gets the job done.  All my macro videos and photos are taken with this camera as well as portrait and landscape shots.  It is quick to use and always with me. Cons - not really good for wildlife videos.

SOOOOOO - why do I want to get a new camera?  Because I do.  I want the versatility of being able to change lenses depending on the situation and subject.  I have decided that I want two lenses to start out with  - a longer zoom and a lens for closer work (eventually I will also need a dedicated macro).  Plus Sony just came out with a new memory card that is extremely fast so I will need that too.  

Here is what I want:

• Sony Alpha a7s III Mirrorless Digital Camera ($3,498.00)
• Sony FE 24-70mm f/2.8 GM Lens ($2,098.00)
• Sony FE 70-200mm f/2.8 GM Lens ($2,398.00)
• Sony VG-C4EM Vertical Grip ($398.00)
• Sony 160GB CFExpress Type A TOUGH Memory Card ($398.00)
• Sony NP-FZ100 Rechargeable Lithium-ion Battery ($78.00)

Total Price Tag (there are some bundle discounts) is $9,533.10 after taxes.  

$9,533.10 - A man is allowed to dream, RIGHT?

Holy hell - that is a lot of money but it sure is fun to dream...

But here is an example of what I would be doing with this incredible camera and lenses - making educational videos about plants, animals, nature, biology, ecology, and SNAKES!  I firmly believe that you have to talk about something to make it happen so I will be talking about getting this camera every day until I get it (and I will) plus I will be talking about our new Virtual Lab because that is the future of My Nature Lab's growth.  Did I mention that you can get your own Virtual Lab membership for $20/month at www.mynaturelab.org/virtual-lab?

My Life is a Contradiction

I just returned from a cellular dead zone and that always inspires a lot of introspective thinking.  I took the Lab's Field Members to Mills Canyon, New Mexico.  There isn't good cell reception within 30 miles of the canyon and even that is sometimes spotty.  I was completely offline for 96 hours.  So I got a chance to think and talk to new people about ideas, life, and of course, snakes.  While we were sitting around the campfire, we talked a little about the love languages of our children.  I had Ashton with me and his love language is touch - he absolutely loves siting in laps and snuggling.  My love language is also touch but that is where the contradiction lies.

About 10 years ago, I visited a good friend of mine from graduate school who now lives in Fort Collins.  When I walked in the door, his wife gave me a huge hug and I completely ruined everything.  My body went rigid and I failed miserably at returning her affection.  She was genuinely excited and happy to see me but I couldn't reciprocate despite being just as happy and excited to see her.  This makes no sense because my love language is touch.  Some people that know me well might disagree because they know I don't like to be touched but that is just a part of it. Quality time and affirmations are both up there in importance for me but nothing beats the affirmation that a simple and easy touch can give me.  But not just anyone can touch me...

There is that contradiction again. Cameron wants to be touched but doesn't?  This is where I thought and thought over the weekend.  How did this come about?  I am the youngest of five kids - I was probably over touched as a kid so now only reserve touching to those I really care about.  What are the situations where someone can touch me and I don't flinch like I did in Fort Collins?  There are really only two.  

The first one is easy - at the Lab.  Almost every day, a child at the Lab will climb into my lap or slide under my arm to get a better look at a snake or some other critter. I never flinch when this happens.  It actually magnifies what I am doing at the moment - TEACHING!  I know I am big, loud, and sometimes very excitable at the Lab when talking about snakes but to see a child so comfortable that they can climb into my lap to get a better look - that is my love language.  It fills my soul and reinforces my passion for teaching others about snakes.

The second one comes from someone that has been given at least some access into my inner world.  I never give complete access to this part of me (not yet at least) but some people know me well enough for me to allow them to touch me.  My college roommate is one of those people.  He can hug me.  He can grab my ass.  He can feel up my man boobs.  He even tries to make me uncomfortable with touch but he is so deep inside my inner world that his touches are love not annoyance.  An example of the opposite happened at the lab recently.  One of my volunteers gave me a hug and I froze again. I completely went rigid and I felt terrible because this volunteer was reaching out to me and telling me how much she appreciated the Lab.  Now I think the word is out to "not touch Cameron" and this is actually the opposite of what I want.  I may not want to hug you but touch is very important to me.  

So how should someone touch me if I let them? 

A hand on my shoulder or upper back is always welcome.  It tells me that you are engaged with me in whatever we are doing.  I can always tell if a kid at that Lab is in or has been at a Montessori school.  They use this sort of touch as silent communication and it works well with me. It is simple and very effective and for me, really affirms that we are on the same page.  It also affirms that you trust and like me enough to physically touch me.   

A more intimate touch that I probably won't allow any of you reading this blog do with me is to share an armrest.  I cannot stand to be touched on an airplane or bus by someone that I don't know but to bump elbows with someone I really like on an armrest is incredibly affirming to me.  Most of you are probably laughing at this right now and wondering how this could ever be considered an intimate touch.  Welcome to Cameron's inner world where things are complete contradictions.  Yes, touching elbows is nice.  

If you really want to push the touch boundaries with me, try leaning into me if we are standing next to each other.  I bet I step away very quickly.  If I don't, it means I trust you enough to allow our bodies to touch.  Yep. I am weird that way.  This lean is incredibly affirming to me and I read into it that you like me.  Actually, don't try this one.  See my life is a contradiction...

Now to throw a huge wrench into my love languages.  I have said that touch is my love language followed closely by affirmation and quality time.  That said, I love gifts despite the fact that I don't think that I am worthy of gifts so if my best friend brings me a bottle of tequila, it sends me for a total loop.  I don't know what to think.  I love it but it scares me senseless.  What does it mean?  Do I owe them something?  This is a really nice gesture but how should I act?  I try to say "thank you" but it rarely comes out right.  Someone likes me enough to give me a gift???  That is crazy talk and a huge contradiction to my beliefs about myself.  Seriously,  I rarely even drink the beer that people bring to my house although I appreciate it immensely. I prefer to drink my own beer because I do not know how to accept a gift.  My sister-in-law has been working on this one with me over the last several years but I still suck at it.  I love gifts - just don't be surprised if I try to give it back to you.  

Great Horned Owls and Milksnakes

I know I haven't blogged much recently (it seems like I start every blog post this way these days) but a lot has happened this spring that has prompted me to write tonight.  Let's just say that Great Horned Owls and Milksnakes have prompted me to write tonight.  Let's see where this goes.

Great Horned Owls are majestic yet mysterious birds.  There isn't much better late at night than hearing an owl hoot and then have it answered by another owl off in the distance.  I can lay in bed and just listen to them with a smile on my face wondering where they are and what they are doing.  That said, finding them in the daytime is incredible too.  I have spent many hours chasing owls this spring and actually come away with some incredible experiences.  People like to tease me about always lugging my video camera around but if I didn't, I wouldn't be able to capture my experiences to share with others.  I haven't made many videos lately but I have shared still images that I have captured with my camera.  These aren't the full immersion experiences I prefer to share but they are still a wonderful way to share my time in nature with the people I care about.

Great Horned Owl near Coal Creek

This brings us to milksnakes.  Milksnakes are the snake of 1000 rocks.  They are quite literally the diamond in the rough.  You have to be patient and persistent to find one and when you do, nothing else matters.  Fate is a bitch sometimes and the snake gods have been against me all spring but I finally found a milksnake just last week in the most unusual spot.  I was looking for bullsnakes along the dam of a lake and was completely content with having just found a pair mating.  I didn't need a change or anymore snakes.  I certainly didn't need a milksnake - I was happy with what I had found already and then BAM! - a milksnake was basking in the weirdest spot.  It was far from any anticipated home for this species.  It just swept me off my feet and completely threw me for a loop. Fate is a bitch but I certainly like her because she always brings the unexpected and the unexpected can be as amazing as finding a milksnake.  

Milksnake found when completely unexpected.

But, this is how Fate works.  I can't explain it.  But what matters is what you do after Fate choses you.   You have to embrace the opportunity.  You don't get that many that really matter.  You may get another chance to go flip rocks but you may not ever find another milksnake.

As a chronic rock flipper, I have learned to be disappointed in my life.  I have learned that not every rock has a milksnake.  They don't call them the snake of 1000 rocks for nothing.  I have learned that Fate likes to play tricks on you too.  Fate likes to watch you suffer as you flip and flip and flip and flip and flip and flip - well, you get the point.  That is where hope comes into play.  Hope that the next rock has a milksnake.

Hope.  That is a word I don't use very often.  It really isn't in my go to emotion bank.  I rarely have hope unless I am looking for snakes.  I feel hopeless in lots of ways throughout my life and that is probably why I am the way I am.  This is changing though.  A lot of people have invested in me lately and that creates hope.  It creates a future.  It creates success.  I am just struggling with this new hope being created in me.   I can flip rocks for hours hoping to find a milksnake.  That is easy.  But hoping for change in life is a lot harder.  I have made some serious drastic changes in my life hoping that they will all work out.  I quit a career.  I opened a unique and very different business.  All this was done on hope that it will all work out.  Yes, I have some amazing people supporting me but it is still hope that it works out that keeps me going.

So I guess I should wrap this up by saying that Fate might be a bitch but that I have hope that the next rock will have a milksnake.  But, you really shouldn't base your life on fate and hope.  That is why I won't stop flipping rocks.  I am willing to put in the work to negate fates hold over hope and find the damn milksnake myself.  This works for snakes.  Will it work in life?

Guys Who Give

Something incredible happened to me today and it has prompted a creativity inside of me that hasn't been there in years.  So I am writing.  Let's see where this goes but there are no guarantees this will be good or I will even finish it but I am writing.

Guys Who Give happened to me today.  I quit my career as a threatened and endangered species biologist for an environmental consulting firm on January 1, 2017.  That is right.  I walked away from a great paying and successful career without a real plan for a future.  I sometimes wonder if this was a mistake but what happened today today confirmed that I did the right thing.  Today I was given a $13,000 donation from Guys Who Give to help fund our programs at My Nature Lab.

I suffer every day from imposter syndrome in my chosen path.  "I am not an educator.  I am not a scientist.  I am not qualified for my job."  Those are the things that play on repeat in my head every day but today they were slammed to basement of my pile of shit by an incredible donation.  This donation means so much more to me than just giving My Nature Lab much needed funding.  It told me that people appreciate and value what I am doing at My Nature Lab.  This donation is truly a life changer for me.

I cried today.  I cried a lot today.  I am an emotional person but I really try to bury those feelings deep especially when asked about outdoor cats or palm oil (both will make me cry if I am allowed to talk freely).  I cried today.  I cried a lot today because I was overfilled and overwhelmed by the support that this donation gave me.  It justified my choice to quit my job, work at Home Depot for a year, and then open the doors of My Nature Lab.

We opened My Nature Lab on April 22, 2018 as the educational facility of the Center for Snake Conservation.  My vision was to have a place to teach people about snakes and other reptiles.  My vision was to reach 80,000 people annually with live snakes and other reptiles.  I firmly believe that you cannot appreciate, respect, or learn to love something without hands on experiences and we are showing that love is possible at My Nature Lab every day.

I have also struggled every day since April 22, 2018.  Imposter syndrome is very real.  I have cried.  I have stressed over money.  Every month, I pay the rent late.  In fact, I have paid most of our bills late because we just don't have the money and it took more time than anticipated to make enough money to pay them.  This is devastating for a young business.  This will kill you.  I have thought about quitting. I have thought about ending everything.

But I have kept going.  The lives I touch on a daily basis with our snakes has kept me going.  Last month, 1,725 people were touched by my programs.  The stories about kids playing My Nature Lab at home have made my heart swell.  The thank you letters we post at the Lab tell me we are making a difference.  The 50 5 out 5 Facebook reviews say we are doing it right.  The almost 400 families that have bought memberships to My Nature Lab keep me going.

But today.  Today was the day.  Today, 130 men each donated $100 to My Nature Lab. Today, Guys Who Give told me that they value what I am giving to our community in 13,000 ways.  Today, we received a $13,000 donation that will give us opportunities we haven't had before.  We can hire an educator.  We can give our programs to schools for free.  We can reach more kids and adults with live snakes and reptiles.  My vision of reaching 80,000 people is within reach.

Today, I cried.  I cried a lot.  I cried tears of overwhelming happiness.  I cried tears of success.  I cried because people appreciate me.  This is something I have not ever allowed before.  This is new for me.  I might now cry every day at the Lab and now you will know why I am crying.  I am crying because I am making a difference for snakes in this world.  I am crying because I love what I do no matter how tired it makes me.  I am crying for you to learn to love snakes.  I am crying for conservation.  I am crying because I am happy.

I am an Educator.  I am a Scientist.  I am Qualified for my job.  Thank you Guys Who Give.