Beer, Snakes, and Dogs - WTF?

WTF is right!  Beer, Snakes, and Dogs???  These are 3 things that should NEVER be mixed at the same time but they are also 3 of my favorite things.  Hmmmm - I guess this means trouble at my house.

The Showdown of beer, snakes, and dogs

Daydreams

I daydream.  I daydream a lot.  This is probably just a side effect of my ADD but my mind wanders and wanders and wanders and dreams about things I want, fear, like, desire, or just about anything else you can imagine.  That is it - I just imagine.  I imagine myself in so many different places other than the one I am in right now.  There is one daydream in particular that I need to make come true.  It is my snake dream.

What do you daydream about?

Daydreaming with a snake friend

Forgive Me, Forgive Me Not, Why Can't I Forgive Myself

I have always said that music finds a way to penetrate my soul and speak to me.  I think we all feel this way at times so I am probably preaching to the choir with this blog post.  But please let me ramble and talk to myself today - it has been a while since I REALLY wrote.

As I crossed the pedestrian bridge over HWY 36 at 6:23am this morning, I plugged in my headphones and searched for an iTunes radio channel to listen to.  My fingers quickly choose my "Unforgiven" channel which told me right away that the Universe needed to speak to me through music.  I NEVER choose anything quickly when it comes to music or movies but it took all of a full second to make my choice this morning.  Heather teases me when I spend 15 minutes trying to find the right movie to watch that will help me turn my brain off so I can fall asleep quickly.  I will admit to being very indecisive with movies and music which is why the Universe must have made the choice for me this morning.

The first song was actually crap so I just fast forwarded it.  The second song on this morning's playlist was a Nirvana song that went in one ear and out the other.  Then came Metallica - the reason I made this channel.  The song that played for me was The Unforgiven III - a song I had never heard before despite it being several years old.  Instantly the song spoke to me and speaks so true to my life RIGHT now!

The song describes a person that has a mission but keeps getting distracted and of course.  The person then cannot forgive themselves.  I am STRUGGLING with forgiving myself right now.  I keep allowing "resistance" and other distractions keep me from my life's goal and purpose - SNAKES.  I then BEAT the living shit out of myself and NEVER forgive myself for the things I meant to do.  This sucks but what else is new - music spoke to Cameron; Cameron can't forgive himself - big deal.  Well, it is a big deal and here is why.  In addition to the song, I saw the quote below on my Google+ feed (all I can say is my G+ friends are very similar to me - dirty minds and insightful quotes).  This quote is important to consider when trying to forgive yourself.

Read the quote again please.  We all do this to some extent.  We certainly act differently at home than we do at work.  What about with our friends?  Do they really know us?  I have written previously that the person I show outwardly is very different than the person I hide behind walls, fences, and sand dunes (yes - with the help of my therapist, I did soul guided and deep soul-searching and found sand dunes blocking my core).  Despite that, the quote above really spoke to me because I don't think I have been very good to myself lately.  I am doing Snakespiration which is the REAL me but I hide myself at work, home, and with my friends.  I am much more open and happy that I have ever been though so I know I have made HUGE progress in allowing myself out - I just need to do it more.  I want to find a way to bring that Snakespired Cameron to all facets of my life.

So back to the Unforgiven...

When I got to the office, I YouTubed (did you know that YouTube is the largest information transfer site on the internet?) Metallica and listened to The Unforgiven, The Unforgiven II, and The Unforgiven III.  I strongly encourage you to do the same so I embedded all the songs below just for you. 

Now - what did I learn?  I learned that I still do not forgive myself very easily.  I learned that I am MUCH better at controlling my mood and depression although yesterday did suck until I got home and did my daily Snakespiration episode.  I learned that these songs still ring true in my ears but that I can rationally listen to them and use them as a tool for moving forward.  In other words, I am no longer STUCK in the past.  I also learned that I am still hiding my true self from myself and others (this needs to change).

I am excited for the future but I still have a lot of work to learn how to make the future what I want it to be.  I still procrastinate.  I still hide.  I still allow anxiety into my life.  These things will probably never really go away but what I do know is the following:

• I am a better person
• I am nicer to myself
• I am a better husband
• I am a better father
• I am a better friend
• I can see a very bright future
• I have more confidence
• I feel happier

So - while I still change to meet people's expectations of me, I am doing amazing inside my mind and soul.  I am learning so much with my Snakespiration - now I need to learn to forgive myself so I can move forward into my very bright future.

Forgive Me, Forgive Me Not, Why Can't I forgive Myself?

The Unforgiven

The Unforgiven II

The Unforgiven III

Take It Easy

I know I said I was going to use the time stamp style of blogging.  Whatever - something hit me today and I need to get it out - NOW.

GoPro Bus Selfie with the Blue Light Special

As I was walking from the RTD Union Station to my office this morning (6:28am for you time stamp people), The Eagles started playing in my ears.  I really wasn't listening or even registering the music until after the first stanza.  Then it hit me...

"Don't let the sound of your own wheels drive you crazy

Lighten up while you still can

Don't even try to understand

Just find a place to make your stand

and take it easy."

The crazy thing is that I have been preaching this my whole life - take it easy.  The trouble is that I don't know how to follow my own advice.  I don't take it easy.  I get all uptight with my panties in a wad.  I pretend that I am "taking it easy" but in reality, I suck at it.  

I am a procrastinator - this is my attempt at "taking it easy" but in reality this just makes it harder on me and then I stress and kill myself with anxiety trying to catch up.  Procrastination is a very skewed way to think about taking it easy.  It doesn't work.

GoPro Bus Selfie Video when the bus driver turned on the lights.

I have started following some internet bloggers and they are really good at "taking it easy".  Well at least they make it appear that way.  These individuals make a living traveling the world and blogging.  They also freelance write when they need money but the important thing is that they are doing what they WANT to be doing.  They are not following anyone else's rules or template for success.  They are taking it easy with their own expectations of success - the key being that it is "their" expectations and not anyone else's.  I have always tried to meet someone else's expectation of me which is NOT taking it easy.

Okay back to the song - I want you to really listen to it.  Can you agree with the lyrics?  Pretend Don Henley is singing to himself and not to some scorned lovers and a new woman.  Now do you hear it?  Can you hear the sage advice being spoken?  It screams at me to slow down, take a close look at myself, forgive myself, and live my life taking it easy.  This doesn't mean lazy - it means a life full of compassion, forgiveness, and positive vibes everywhere.

TAKE IT EASY!

17 November 2014

2:33am - I can't sleep. Not even close. Anxiety for work slapped me hard and then dug its nails into me making sure I stayed awake. Fuck - this sucks. Why do I stay at a job that impacts me so negatively?  Oh yeah - the money. We need the money. Well this has better change real soon. I have been saying this for years now wondering when I will actually do something about it. Enough for now. I need to try and sleep.

5:59am - I just made the sprint to catch the HX bus into Denver. My hamstring screamed the whole way - damn I wish I hadn't pull it. I did finally fall back to sleep after my anxiety awakening. I was able to turn my anxiety into annoyance.  I cannot believe I let something like work interrupt my sleep. It took a long time (I remember seeing 4:00am on the clock) but I succeeded. So well in fact that Heather woke my up to tell me I needed to roll over - I must have been snoring.  The 5:13am alarm startled me but I was able to get out the door and catch the bus I needed to catch. Now I need to survive the day.

6:21am - still on the bus.  Decided to look up what "bae" means.  Turns out it means "poop" in Danish but people use it in social media to mean "baby".  I guess people are calling their loved ones shit.

Flies on Bae

7:11am - My "Transform My Life" app just changed.  It is a good assignment today:  "Today, as you dismiss the conditioning that 'insults your soul,' replace it with that which uplifts your soul."

7:24am - BREAKFAST at the office - enough said.

9:20am - I made a short video blog explaining my Monday Blues:

11:41am - I just finished lunch.  Not much of a lunch - a whole chicken breast. All I can think about is how I shouldn't be here.  Mondays are always bad.  Actually, my work anxiety starts on Sunday afternoon and normally dies Tuesday afternoon.  The time between is me fighting being here.  I resolve to finish out the week on Tuesdays for some reason.  I am working on my exit plan but it still sucks not being able to focus on snakes all day and being forced to think as a consultant for an industry lead by greed.  Photos like the one below make it all worth it though!  :)

1:38pm - I made a trip to the 7-Eleven for a quick afternoon snack.  I make this trek about once every 2 weeks and each time I get giddy with excitement.  The trouble is this feeling is followed by self-disgust and loathing after I eat those horrible Cheetos.  Tough shit - I put the crap in my body so I better learn enjoy the crappy feeling afterwards.

3:22pm - The dream machine is cranking away.  I have to move on and the sooner the better.  I have a project for the Center for Snake Conservation that has been churning in my brain for a while now (an actual facility) and it is time to bring this project to the crowds.  I will be working on building a crowd funding project this week to be released in time for the holiday giving season.  I need money to bring snakes to people.  I will make this happen.  Stay tuned for more on this but I just wanted to let you know that my brain is churning...BIG TIME.

7:47pm - watching Monday night football and brainstorming.  Almost time for sleep.  New day tomorrow.

Sunday - 16 November 2014

9:02am - Checking out video cameras that I want for Christmas.

Sony HDR-CX900/B - This one has a 1" sensor for AWESOME video recording.

9:35am - just published my Christmas Wish List blog. Time for breakfast.  

Two Egg Open-faced Breakfast Sandwich - I ate well today

10:26am - listening to iTunes radio while doing dishes. Aqualung by Jethro Tull starts playing.  This song has some of the best lyrics...

"watching as the frilly panties run"

10:45am - Time to clean the basement - guests will be here in a week.

11:55am - watching the Broncos game while cleaning the basement.  Broncos are having a bad game so far.

3:22pm - Cleaning off the key shelves.  Holy hell did we keep a lot of shit on these!  Just look at all the membership cards we have!

Membership cards that I haven't decided to throw out yet

4:23pm - It is already getting dark.  I hate winter...I really, really do.  No snakes, short days, and cold weather make Cameron a sad man.  Actually I like snow and the crisp beautiful light of a sunny day after a fresh snow.  I went out earlier today and played a little with the dogs in the snow.  The dogs have a blast and I smile.  :)

4:27pm - I made myself an interesting vodka martini (if you can call what I made a martini).  I made a simple sugar - lemon juice mixture to mix with ice cold vodka.  It isn't too bad.

4:38pm - Skid Rows's Rattlesnake Shake just played on iTumes radio - THE UNIVERSE SPEAKS AGAIN!

5:29pm - Chicken is on the grill.

6:45pm - Chicken is off the grill - time to eat.  My parents got me a chicken leg holder for the grill for my birthday.  This was my first time using it and I like it.  It was a no effort grill.  I put the legs on the rack, set it on the grill, and came back when they were done.  NOT TOO BAD AT ALL.  I am going to have to see what else I can cook with it.  :)

Chicken legs just basted with sauce - 30 more minutes until they are ready to eat.

8:30pm - Alarm went off for me to finish my blog and get to bed.  Watching the Patriots dismantle the Colts.  Good Night!

Christmas List - The Real Wish List

I want a video camera.  I have 2 GoPros (a Hero 3 and a Hero 3+) and a Sony HDR-CX100 HandyCam but it isn't enough.  As I explore video, I am learning very quickly that quality of the camera matters.  My cameras are AWESOME - please don't get me wrong.  I love them.  They are amazing but they are not of the quality I need for upclose and personal quality snake videos.

The GoPros are really fun to play with.  I have two because I dropped the Hero 3 into my coffee once and it killed it.  Well, it actually just killed the battery charging mechanism which I learned when I put a fresh battery into it after I got the Hero 3+.  I am just glad I didn't throw it away before I tried a new battery in it.  But GoPros are action cams, the are not made for creating quality educational videos about snakes.

GoPros are great for making action videos...

Coachwhip! from Snakes on Vimeo.

My Sony HandyCam is great too but it is old.  Video has come a LONG way since 2008.  I need an upgrade.

So what do I want for Christmas?  I REALLY want a Sony HDR-CX900/B which is a low level professional video camera.  It has a 1" sensor which is huge for handheld video cameras making for rich and crystal clear HD videos.  Unfortunately, it is also $1,300. 

The Sony HDR-CX900/B

The video camera that I will settle for is the HDR-PJ540/B. This is a high-end consumer camera with a steady shot feature to enable handheld filming.  No more tripod.  This camera is $700 - still out of reach without planning and saving.  It will make excellent and sharp videos of snakes in all types of light.

The Sony HDR-PJ540/B

So - this is my Christmas wish list.  If you wish, dreams can come true.  If you don't, you will be stuck in the same place forever.  Video is a great medium for reaching people about snakes.  I can show people their true nature and behavior.  Photos are amazing but they can't relay how incredible snakes are.  Snakespiration!