Monday, November 17, 2014

17 November 2014

2:33am - I can't sleep. Not even close. Anxiety for work slapped me hard and then dug its nails into me making sure I stayed awake. Fuck - this sucks. Why do I stay at a job that impacts me so negatively?  Oh yeah - the money. We need the money. Well this has better change real soon. I have been saying this for years now wondering when I will actually do something about it. Enough for now. I need to try and sleep.

5:59am - I just made the sprint to catch the HX bus into Denver. My hamstring screamed the whole way - damn I wish I hadn't pull it. I did finally fall back to sleep after my anxiety awakening. I was able to turn my anxiety into annoyance.  I cannot believe I let something like work interrupt my sleep. It took a long time (I remember seeing 4:00am on the clock) but I succeeded. So well in fact that Heather woke my up to tell me I needed to roll over - I must have been snoring.  The 5:13am alarm startled me but I was able to get out the door and catch the bus I needed to catch. Now I need to survive the day.

6:21am - still on the bus.  Decided to look up what "bae" means.  Turns out it means "poop" in Danish but people use it in social media to mean "baby".  I guess people are calling their loved ones shit.
Flies on Bae
7:11am - My "Transform My Life" app just changed.  It is a good assignment today:  "Today, as you dismiss the conditioning that 'insults your soul,' replace it with that which uplifts your soul."

7:24am - BREAKFAST at the office - enough said.

9:20am - I made a short video blog explaining my Monday Blues:

11:41am - I just finished lunch.  Not much of a lunch - a whole chicken breast. All I can think about is how I shouldn't be here.  Mondays are always bad.  Actually, my work anxiety starts on Sunday afternoon and normally dies Tuesday afternoon.  The time between is me fighting being here.  I resolve to finish out the week on Tuesdays for some reason.  I am working on my exit plan but it still sucks not being able to focus on snakes all day and being forced to think as a consultant for an industry lead by greed.  Photos like the one below make it all worth it though!  :)

1:38pm - I made a trip to the 7-Eleven for a quick afternoon snack.  I make this trek about once every 2 weeks and each time I get giddy with excitement.  The trouble is this feeling is followed by self-disgust and loathing after I eat those horrible Cheetos.  Tough shit - I put the crap in my body so I better learn enjoy the crappy feeling afterwards.

3:22pm - The dream machine is cranking away.  I have to move on and the sooner the better.  I have a project for the Center for Snake Conservation that has been churning in my brain for a while now (an actual facility) and it is time to bring this project to the crowds.  I will be working on building a crowd funding project this week to be released in time for the holiday giving season.  I need money to bring snakes to people.  I will make this happen.  Stay tuned for more on this but I just wanted to let you know that my brain is churning...BIG TIME.

7:47pm - watching Monday night football and brainstorming.  Almost time for sleep.  New day tomorrow.

No comments:

Post a Comment