To Look Like A Fox, You First Must Sweat Like a Pig

A little background information first - for those of you that know me personally and see me from time to time, you know that my fitness level correlates very closely with my mental health.  I have a mental pathway that tells me that I have to "look" good to "feel" good.  Not right I know - I should "feel" good which will lead to more "feeling" good regardless of how I "look".  My mental condition has not led to an eating disorder (unless you count eating like fucking garage during my mentally low cycles) thankfully but it has led to a weight management issue.

If you know me, you are also aware of the ability for my weight to yo-yo from being fit to fat in a matter of months.  Luckily, I also have retained to ability to pick an athletic event and then go from fat to fit over the 6 months or so of training.  This cycle has dominated my life ever since I left college and the athletic rigors of collegiate soccer that kept me fit there.  Do you need some examples?  Here you go:

College self outside of soccer season

Serious weight gain post college (I guess my freshman 30 came a little late) and my move to Florida for grad school - ballooned from 185lbs of lean muscle (I carried more muscle during soccer than I do now) in 1997 to 203 lbs of softness in 1998.

Beached Whale with Heather in 1998

I am missing a set of photos digitally that show a dramatic transformation back to fitness in early 2000 - I dropped almost 30lbs and was working out like a fiend 6 days a week.  I was eating very clean and felt better than I had in years.  My depression was in check even.

In 2003, I ballooned back up to 203 lbs (no digital photos).  When I am fat, I do not allow photos to be taken of me very often.

In 2005, I completed my first iron distance triathlon (140.6 miles total: 2.4 mile swim; 112 mile bike; and 26.2 mile run) at 183lbs (muscle mass is about right but still a layer of belly fat).  I also ran in a 200 mile relay with a bunch of friends from around the country as part of my training leading up to the 140.6 mile race.

Coming into T1 at the Great Floridian Triathlon - Nice Quads!

Running in the Reach the Beach 200 mile Relay

In 2006, I trained for the Chicago marathon in hopes of landing a Boston Marathon qualifying time (3 hours 10 minutes).  5 months of hard training and I came very close.  I was right on pace at the half marathon mark and all the way up to mile 17 when the urge to pee overpowered my urge to run hard.  I stopped, peed, and then ran slow for 3 miles trying to find the pace again.  I found pace for the last 10K and PRed the marathon distance in 3 hours 19 minutes but this was sadly too slow for a Boston QT.

Racing at a lean 175lbs 3 weeks before the Chicago marathon at the 17.5 mile Big South Fork Trail Race.

In 2007, I half-assed my training for a second Ironman.  My training was hurt by a big move to Colorado which made me give up my cycling training club and great running routes I knew would prepare me for the race.  I went into Ironman Louisville at 185 lbs which was 10lbs heavier than I needed to be.  MENTAL STATE EQUALS PHYSICAL STATE.  I had a great race despite having to manage cramping quads for 70 miles on the bike and walking most of the marathon.  

Ironman Shuffle in Louisville

2008 and 2009 were spent in depression and fatness.  I did nothing.  I barely ran.  I barely moved.  I moped around.  I was depressed. (No photos - I was fat)

2010 was a better year.  I trained for Ironman St. George and finished the race with a new 140.6 personal record.  I hit 183lbs before the race which still 8lbs heavier than I wanted to race but I will take it.  After the race, I was laid off from work (economic downturn affected the oil and gas industry in a big way) and my mental state took a plunged and my weight sky-rocketed.  I was fat again in 3 months.

I then started a job that I soon learned was completely incompatible with who I am and taught how much shit I can take from total dumbasses.  I eventually got the dumbass fired for his horrible behavior and lies to everyone but it was way too late. I was FAT and DEPRESSED.  2011 and 2012 were spent fat and very unhealthy.  This continued until March 2013 when I gave myself an ultimatum - get fit or eat myself to death.  I am choose to get fit.

I did GREAT all summer long in 2013. I dropped from 212lbs (my heaviest ever) in March down to 186 in August.  I did not change my diet at all.  I just ran, and ran, and ran, and ran (some weeks up to 35 miles).  This helped me drop weight but I was still not happy.

March 2013

August 2013

That brings me to now.  I have been running off and on since August but I have no direction, no drive. December has found me doing nothing.  This is not surprising as we approach the winter solstice.  December and January are VERY tough on me since I barely see the sun.  I am at work an hour before it rises and it sets right as I am getting home.

So - I have gained almost 10lbs back since my August weight (back up to 196lbs).  NOT GOOD!  It is time to put my current physical state and my goals out there for all to see and for those who care about to help keep me accountable if they want to.  It is too easy to blow off a run when it is cold.  I eat like a pig.  I am not lifting weights.  I have so many habits that are hindering my progress to the new happy me.  But with people watching, I know my psyche and it tells me not to disappoint people.  

So what am I looking for?  I am looking for TOTAL FITNESS.  There is a phenomena sweeping through the world called CrossFit.  I don't think I ever want to join a CrossFit gym because some of the things they do are downright dangerous.  That said, I really like the CrossFit philosophy to fitness. 

Greg Glassman, the founder of CrossFit, defines fitness in a way that speaks to me.  Fitness is not just the way you look or how athletic you are.  Fitness is having a whole body and mind, mental and physical strength, and even includes what you put into your body.  His definition for fitness is:

      "Eat meat and vegetables, nuts and seeds, some fruit, little starch and no sugar. Keep intake to level that will support exercise but not body fat. Practice and train major lifts: Deadlift, clean, squat, presses, C&J, and snatch. Similarly, master the basics of gymnastics: pull-ups, dips, rope climb, push-ups, sit-ups, presses to handstand, pirouettes, flips,  splits, and holds. Bike, run, swim, row, etc, hard and fast. Five or six days per week mix these elements in as many combinations and patterns as creativity will allow. Routine is the enemy. Keep workouts short and intense. Regularly learn and play new sports."  

So looking forward, here are my immediate, short-term, and long-term goals for my 40th year on this planet:

Immediate Goals (the rest of this month):

• Start a strength training program
• Meet my weekly run mileage goal
• Eat clean

Short-term Goals (next 3-6 months):

• Reach and maintain my weight at 175lbs of lean muscle with a body fat percentage between 16-18%
• Run a marathon under 3 hours 30 minutes
• Increase flexibility and agility
• Relearn basic gymnastic skills (handstands, somersaults, balance exercises)
• Continue building strength and eating clean

Long-term Goals (Before my 40th birthday)

• Lower body fat percentage to between 13-15% and maintain it there
• Personal Record and Boston Qualify during a fall marathon (Chicago again?)
• Master basic gymnastic skills
• learn to do a front and back flip
• Continue building strength and eating clean
• Enjoy my life fit and happy

So what is the point of this blog?  Talk about my fatness over the years?  NO.  It is to point out that "To Look Like A Fox, You First Must Sweat Like A Pig".  The trouble is that pigs don't really sweat. Pigs (or swine as they are properly called) have very few sweat glands and the ones they do have are not very efficient at keeping the pig cool.  Pigs keep cool by wallowing in mud or water which then evaporates giving the same cooling effect as sweat does on a human.  Pigs also wallow in mud to help protect them from the sun just like wearing sunscreen.  

Sweating Swine

So the question now becomes how do I become a fox if pigs don't sweat.  Well - the saying "sweat like a pig" does come from a real thing so it is not just a made up expression.  The real meaning is actually better than pig sweat for burning calories and building muscles.  Actually that is almost exactly what pig sweat is - iron cooling after it has been smelted.  Once the smelted iron begins to sweat, it is cool (hard) enough to move.  Think about working out (smelt the iron) - you sweat (iron sweats) to gain lean muscles that are hard (iron hardens) so that you can move efficiently with power and grace (iron is ready to be moved).  I think this is a pretty good and direct analogy.  Trouble is that I like the pig's way of cooling off much better that smelting iron.

So I am the pig right now (fat, soft, and ready for slaughter).  I want to get hard and sleek like a fox so I am going to have to sweat.  Actually I am going to have to sweat, and sweat, and sweat, and sweat,and sweat, and sweat, and sweat, and sweat, and sweat, and sweat, and sweat, and sweat, and sweat, and sweat, and sweat, and sweat, and sweat, and sweat, and sweat, and sweat, and sweat, and sweat, and sweat, and sweat, and sweat, and sweat, and sweat, and sweat, and sweat, and sweat, and sweat, and sweat, and sweat, and sweat, and sweat, and sweat, and sweat, and sweat.  It is going to take a lot of sweat to harden this body of mine but I am willing to put in the work.  

CrossFit relies on muscle shock to make lean muscle mass that burns fat which in turn transforms you into a fox.  Pig dirt is a great way of thinking about this.  When things get hot and heavy for a pig, they seek out mud and water to cool off.  It doesn't matter what type, where, or when they find water or mud, they are going to get into it.  I am going to think about my workouts the same way - Basically I am going to get dirty! 

Pigs get it any way they can

I am going to work out with friends, with my ass (squats), in a public bathroom (really?), while driving, in an alley, in the kitchen, in the shower, in a hot tub (I wish I had one of these), in a pool, in the living room, hell why not every room, on a plane (if I fly this year), with my face, at work, at my desk, with strangers (at the gym), with ropes, in odd positions (yoga), in the backyard, in the front yard, on top of the bed, even while handing someone weights, while watching someone lift, with my tongue (eating right), while shaving, with every lifting position known, with my friends (oh, I already said this), have contests, dips between the washer and dryer, when friends are over, in the back seat of the car, with the vibrating machine that no one knows what it does (abs maybe), with fancy workout clothes, on the stairs (already done this one - see 300), on a balcony, on a roof, with a lap dance (you never know!), with machines, on a swing, on a train, while getting a massage (I never get these though), at a pick-up game, in the ocean (think triathlon), on a dock after swimming in the lake, in Australia (I wish!), make workout video or two to publish on youtube like everyone else, isolated muscle workouts, somewhere unexpected, in an empty house (might get arrested for working out in someone else's house though), in a canoe like the karate kid, while standing up, make another video, watch a workout video, talk about it while on the phone, wax my body to look like a muscle freak, check myself out in the mirror, and all of this in 9 1/2 weeks before marathon training really starts.

Wow - that is a lot (and strange) but the basic premise is to workout as often and as much as possible.  Just get dirty like a pig trying to cool off.  EVERYWHERE AND AT ANYTIME.  I think this is the real key. In order to transform from a pig to a fox, I must stay active and be active all the time.  No breaks - stick to the commitment.  It will be best if I can find a workout, get dirty, partner to help motivate and inspire me and in return I can help them with their success journey.  Unfortunately, I am going to have start without a partner for a while until I start working out with someone key my success.  I have succeeded without a partner before (see history above) but everything you read says it is easier to succeed with one. 

When I am done sweating, there will be a fox in place of that pig.  I will have to keep sweating to stay a fox but that is how you enjoy your life as a fit and happy person (at least from my viewpoint).

My Motto for my 40th year

Bucket List #9 - Karaoke

I keep a bucket list (don't worry, you will get to see the whole list publish on New Year's Day).  Item #9 on my bucket list is to find a karaoke bar with one or two select friends to spend the night in.  I won't let just anyone see me karaoke so please consider yourself lucky if you even know about this bucket list item (shit - now everyone reading this blog knows).

First thing ordered will be a bottle of top shelf tequila that we can share before the music gets started.  NO QUERVO - that crap is shit when it comes to good tequilas.  Then we will order a crapload of appetizers to snack on for the next few hours because we are going to need them.  If the bar has popcorn (most dive bars do), we will get several baskets for the table.

Espolõn - One of the best tequilas available

Must Sing Songs

My must sing karaoke songs are a bit out of the box.  Well - I am guessing that they are but hell, since I have never been to a karaoke bar, I wouldn't know.  In my past, I listened to a LOT of Tom Petty and ZZ Top which is why 4 of my top 5 must sing songs come from these artists.  My other song comes from Billy Idol.

Each song has a lot of personal meaning for me.  I have many, many memories surrounding each one of these songs and I am afraid that my words below just won't relay what they really mean to me.

What is funny but really not that surprising is that these songs are coming back to me right now in my life.  I haven't heard many of these songs but Pandora is bringing them back.  The universe has a way of doing this to me.  In the past, the songs helped me grow up or learn to really listen to the meaning of music.  In the present, they are describing my wants and needs right now as I discover my true self.  I can only look forward to what these songs will mean to me in the future but I am guessing it will be something good.

Time for the songs and a bit of background or meaning.

Breakdown - Tom Petty

Holy shit does this song have meaning for me.  When I was a freshman in college, I got the strangest request.  A female upper classman with gigantic breasts (name withheld for obvious reasons) came to see me in my room late on a Friday afternoon.  I thought for sure I was going to get lucky but I was very confused.  This is because I knew she was dating a fellow soccer player.  Still, why she would visit me in my room if it weren't for extra-curricular activities.  It made no sense other than she wanted me (can you see where 98% of my mind was when I was 19 years old - it is still there by the way.  98% of my brain power is occupied by the opposite sex nearly all the time).  Actually the upper classman did want me.  She wanted me to strip for a bachelorette party happening that night.

Way back in 1994 when this occurred if someone said "let's get naked", I was usually the first one nude.  I had a killer body at the time and I knew it.  Getting naked help me cover up my insecurities (go figure).  When the upper classman asked me to strip for the bachelorette party, I tried to pretend I wouldn't do it (I was in before she asked me - remember the 98%).  She finally talked me into it but we had to pick a song.  We landed on Tom Petty's Breakdown.  It was short enough for me to get in and out (pun intended) without much damage to my reputation (everyone already knew I like to show off my body so what was the big deal).  The big road block was that I had soccer practice that night in the gym that I had no idea how long would last.  We arranged a time hoping that I could make it for my show.

I arrived at the dorm room where the bachelorette party was beginning around 8:30pm.  I came in and the women started cheering for me.  They hit the stereo and Breakdown started.  I just let the music take over and my clothes fall off.  I only went down to my boxers but if they had asked for more, I know I would have given it to them (Give it to me baby - listen to the song if you don't know it).  It was a thrill and rush to actually strip to one of my favorite songs and when I hear Breakdown, I still think of that night.

So why karaoke the song?  Well - Breakdown makes me happy.  Very happy.  It comes from a time when I was carefree - sure I still hid my emotions but I was carefree and had a body that I could use to cover up my insecurities.  The only thing I am worried about when I karaoke Breakdown is whether my cloths will stay on or not.  I hope they come off.

Breakway - ZZ Top

I want the answer, I want my soul

I'm dealing with a feeling deeper in love

But I'm helpless, so helpless, but I remember

She keeps saying breakaway

One of my all time favorite songs.  I am not sure if it is in any karaoke bar but I would have to request it.  There is not much to say about this song as it speaks for itself.  It is about a love that just won't let you get away (but you don't really want to).

Cradle of Love - Billy Idol

If there is a man (straight or gay) that grew up in the 1980s that did not like Cradle of Love, I want to have a serious talk with him.  This song was the song that I would sneak into the family room just to see if it was on MTV.  If it was on, I would hope and pray that no one would walk in on me.  No - I was not playing with myself but this song sure does play into any boy's or man's fantasy.

Think about it.  A very attractive woman knocks on your door and asks to use your stereo.  Who would say no to that?  What happens after that - well watch the video below.

Why karaoke this song?  Because it rocks.  Most people know it and you can really get into the lyrics and put some serious emotion into it.  Sing it!

Rock the cradle of love

Rock the cradle of love

Sent from heaven above

That's right

To rock the cradle of love

Stop Draggin' My Heart Around - Stevie Nicks and Tom Petty

I discovered Tom Petty late in life.  It wasn't until my freshman year in college when Mary Jane's Last Dance came out that I really knew who he was (see Breakdown above for more from my freshman year).  I had heard and embraced his song Rebels in high school because our mascot was the Atherton High School Rebel but I had know idea how Tom Petty's music would really reach me in the future.  As a southerner by heart, Tom Petty's music now sings to my soul.  My friends still make fun of my southern roots (they think I am ignorant).

This song is a duet so if you are with me as I check karaoke off my bucket list, you had better be prepared to sing with me.  We will share a microphone and sing this song with great emotion.  Listen to the words.  Stevie Nicks just nails it and Tom - well he always has had that strange but good voice.  I cannot wait to sing this duet with my karaoke partner in crime.

Legs - ZZ Top

Not a typical Karaoke song but a must for me.  Legs is about the underdog.  The beautiful person just waiting to be found.  I relate to this song because I have felt like that outcast, the nerd, the person who just doesn't fit in.  Plus this song was prominent in my youth.  When MTV first started playing videos, I was at the right age to incorporate them into my fantasies.  Just like Cradle of Love above, Legs helped me "grow" up.

Another reason to sing this song at a karaoke bar is this line:  "Oh, I want her, shit I've got to have her, the girl is alright, she's alright".  Just think about about it - this verse has a ton of meaning.  Well it does to me at least.  To me it means that I don't have a choice - I want her, shit I've got to have her.  That is what I get for growing up in the 1980s - songs influenced me in strange ways.

So there you have them - my five top songs that I want to karaoke.  I have no idea even if these songs are available for karaoke but they are on my list.  I am sure I could come up with 100 more songs but these are my top five.

So - when are we headed to the karaoke bar?