Dog Training

I got a dog a year ago and he is wonderful.  Rocket is a loving but very high energy Labrador Retriever.  I wasn't really training him and I can't explain why especially since I really like watching and having a well trained retriever.  But that doesn't mean it is too late.  We have bumped up his training lately and he is really taking to it - like all Labs do.  Every morning, Rocket wakes me up and we head down to the middle school.  I through the bumper for him and he shows off just how fast he is.  We have fun but it is time to turn him into a well oiled retrieving machine.  His training starts on August 15th.  Why wait until then?  Well, he is at a kennel starting tomorrow while I attend a family reunion and then he will be having his balls cut off on August 11.  Yes - I decided to have him neutered.  So stay tuned for updates and videos about Rocket and his training journey.

Procrastivity

 I learned a new word today - procrastivity.  It means "an activity that one does to avoid doing another task".  I learned it from my ADHD app that I bought 3 months ago and am just now using.  And it describes me perfectly.  

I procrastivity everything.  From paying bills to writing proposals.  It doesn't mean that I don't get those things complete - it just means that I do something else before the task that I am supposed to be doing.  I recently learned that I have a rebel personality from a podcast that I listened to and followed it up with the quiz for personality types.  This rebel personality is a part of my procrastivity.  

Strange word but it does describe me perfectly.  I will go record new videos instead of finishing the ones I am working on.  I will go for a run before I walk my dog.  I will go to sleep rather than check my email.  Fun times.

I have been working with bullfrogs all summer long.  It has been an experience and I am learning a ton.  I have learned more about bullfrogs that I thought possible.  My favorite procrastivity has been to go catch more bullfrogs rather than enter the data I have already collected or conduct the literature review needed for the papers I hope to write this winter.  I have learned that you can catch a bullfrog with a piece of red cloth or a turtle lure.  I have caught them by hand.  I have caught them with nets.  It has been a blast.  It has been my procrastivity...

Hunt to Eat - First Attempt - January 11

Yesterday was our first attempt at Hunt to Eat and we are starving.  Jackson and I decided to try and hunt rabbits.  Our plan was to drive to my snake hunting areas and try our luck on a State Wildlife Area out there.  As we we driving, I remembered another SWA closer so asked Jackson if he wanted to try it first.  We ended up spending the entire day there (well half a day because when hunting with an 18 year old, he didn't want to leave until after 11am).  

As we were driving into the parking lot, a rabbit runs down the edge of the road.  Jackson saw it first and I haven't heard that sort of excitement out of him in a long time.  He was ready for the hunt and this rabbit had to be a good sign of what was coming.  We park and read the regulations one more time to make sure that we could hunt rabbits on this SWA that is more geared for waterfowl hunting.  Good to go.  We start hiking.  

Rabbit sign EVERYWHERE!  It had snowed the night before and that made seeing the fresh rabbit tracks pretty easy.  THEY WERE LITERALLY EVERYWHERE.  But no rabbits.  We decided to switch tree rows.  As we approach the new row of trees, Jackson spots a rabbit on the edge of a very thick patch of Russian olives in a shrub form filled with tumbleweeds.  He calls out excitedly to me and I rush over.  I can't see the rabbit but Jackson still had his eyes on it.  It moves.  I see it.  The shot isn't an ethical one (way too many branches between us and the rabbit) so I tell Jackson to wait.  I hand him the .22 I was carrying because we were close and told him if he can shoot the eye, to shoot.  We never saw the eye as it jumped deeper into the thick and impenetrable cover.  In hindsight, I should have given him the instructions to shoot any rabbit on sight because he had seen this one before it got deep into the cover.  All I could think about was Brer Rabbit and his Rabbit Patch for the rest of the day. 

We switch parking lots and as we are eating our lunch, Jackson yells out again.  He spots a rabbit in the damn parking lot!  Of course we can't shoot it here but we talk a big game about it.  We take this as another sign that our luck will change.  It didn't.  After walking and walking with long breaks of staring into the brush where there are lots of rabbit tracks, we see nothing.  No live rabbit - not a single one. They knew we were coming and hid very well.  In hindsight, my decision to stop at the SWA was a bad one.  It was clear that these rabbits knew to avoid humans.  We are at the end of the season and they have been hunted hard all year long.  These rabbits are survivors.  We need to find a new spot to hunt.

So I got to spend time with my oldest (rare these days) and I walked a lot on rough and uneven ground.  Those are positives.  I also over exposed all the videos and photos I took yesterday’s except for the photos I used in this post.  Even the rabbit one is severely overexposed but computer processing made it usable.  I am taking the day as a positive because I learned something about my camera.  Oh - we also saw two different pairs of Great Horned Owls.  It was a good day.

Run Streak Broken - January 5

I intentionally ended my run streak yesterday.  It was impeding my personal challenge for better health - yep, that is right, running was impeding my goal.  Sure I was running every day but I wasn't training.  I wasn't making myself better. I would get out and run my mile so that my streak stayed alive and while it felt good, I didn't have the motivation or will to improve.  My run streak was also keeping me from other things such as hiking, biking, weight lifting, and even rest.  So I ended it but that doesn't mean I am quitting running.  Actually, it means that I will become a better runner.  Today I start a training plan for a half marathon.  I don't have a race planned but for the next 12 weeks, I will run with purpose.  I will be training for something.  I will also be riding my bike on days when I am not running and escaping into my home gym (in the garage) to strength train.  So sometimes ending something leads to something better.  Oh!!!!  I really like that - ending something to find something better.

I am not sure if I will be able to get out to find birds today (I have a lot to do as we are opening the Lab for more hours each week and I want to teach an online herpetology course for adults this winter).  But I did see a bunch yesterday but only got decent photos of two species.  Here they are:

American Kestrel

American Tree Sparrow

 

Bird Update - January 3

Wow - photographing birds is hard but I am definitely having fun.  Some of the difficulty is me trying to learn a completely new camera and lens system.  Hopefully that will pass.  The other hard part is light is never perfect and birds fly.  In fact, they NEVER stop moving.  They remind me of my dreams at night - high speed images just flying past my eyes without ever letting me focus on one thing.  But when you get a photo, the image is incredible (sometimes - okay, one out of 1000 times).  So here is an update from my brain as I haven't kept a bird list yet - something I should probably start in this challenge - daily bird lists.

First bird I photographed in my challenge was a Blue Jay that I baited onto my back porch.  After a lot of deliberation, this will not count as my Blue Jay photo because I cheated.  But if its butt wasn't covered in poop, I may have made a different decision.  Since bait isn't allowed, I guess that also excludes the Red-breasted Nuthatch that showed up at my feeder.

Blue Jay

Red-Breasted Nuthatch

I got out yesterday and sat next to a creek for an hour or so hoping that a kingfisher would give me a shot at a photo.  Didn't happen but I photographed some Canada Geese and a few ducks. Nothing to write home about but still got the photos.  This brings me to what exactly counts as a photo.  I have decided that anything does but I will upgrade the photos as I get better ones throughout the challenge year.  I don't have a website yet for this challenge or my photography but I will soon.  The site will keep track of the best photos that I get but I will try to post the shitty ones too (until I can upgrade them).  Here are some examples of photos I plan to upgrade.

Canada Goose

That leads me to today.  I got out in the morning and found a few raptors, a chickadee, a Northern Flicker, and the best photo so far in the challenge - a female Brewer's Blackbird.  The photo isn't perfect but the bird is a good find although now I am on the hunt for a male.  I spotted other birds today such as a Hooded Merganser and Great Blue Heron but didn't take their photos (hence the need for a daily bird list).

Great Horned Owl

Immature Bald Eagle

Red-tailed Hawk

Okay folks - that is the start of my challenge.  I hope you had as much fun as I did and we will see what tomorrow brings.

Brewer's Blackbird

Personal Challenges - January 1 2021

I don't make New Year Resolutions.  I may have at some point in my life but they just set myself up for disappointment, self loathing, and ultimately depression so I just don't make them anymore.  For years, I haven't viewed the new year with much optimism.  My best new year in recent memory was probably January 1, 2017 when I submitted my resignation to my consulting job.  I didn't even give two weeks notice - I just never went back to work (although I did email them and told them that). 

So today, I have made several personal challenges to myself.  I like finding things and so my challenges will be hard but not impossible and all involve finding things.  I guess they are non-traditional resolutions (although number 1 is probably pretty traditional).  Here they are:

Challenge Number 1 - I challenge myself to find ways for better health.  This challenge doesn't have any measurable goals or even accountability tied to it but I have been brainstorming and dreaming of ways to find better health for myself.  This includes both physical and mental health.  I like to run.  I want to lift weights again.  I love to eat good food.  I like to write.  This challenge will give me opportunities for all of that in a nutshell (nuts are an approved food for my new caveman ideology - see below).

I went through hell in 2020 - Divorce, covid, business stress, stress for my children, and a lot of self loathing.  So, how do I even combat that in 2021? I need to write more.  Try to write daily.  Write about my feelings.  Write about what makes my body tingle.  Write about what makes me smile.  Write about what makes me cry.  JUST WRITE.  Simple without any consequences for not writing.  I just want to write and see where it takes me.  Maybe even write a steamy love novel (just kidding, or am I?).  "Just write, Cameron" - that is my motto. 

The second part of the better health challenge is my physical health.  I got a huge jump on that in 2020 by breaking my relationship with sugar  and alcohol and I lost almost 30lbs.  I don't remember my heaviest weight in 2020 but it was near 225lbs.  I weighed myself this morning after a really bad week of eating poorly (holiday sugar) and was 195.2lbs.  I still have 20lbs that I want to lose and probably will lose that weight easily if I just stay away from sugar.  I don't know if I will ever drink alcohol again mostly because I use it to numb myself and hide from reality.  I don't want to live that way again even if my feelings are so much more intense without it.  I don't need it and it makes me feel like shit.  I recently learned that my body reacts really poorly to gluten - it makes my entire body ache and hurt (try not eating gluten for a month and then eat it again - you will find out how you react to it).  So that is also an easy health choice for me in 2021 - just avoid gluten.  The last part of this second part of Challenge 1 is to eat more foods that haven't been processed at all.  We all talk about it - just shop the outside of the store and avoid the aisles.  No processed foods.  Eat like a caveman.  If you can find it in the wild and eat it raw, it is okay to eat.  If it has to go through a processing plant and get created by humans, don't eat it.  My boys are board with more hunting and fishing to help me with this endeavor.  We are going fishing today (hopefully but it is cold and we have to find open water as we aren't ready to take on ice fishing) and rabbit hunting next weekend.  We want to see if we can harvest our own meat.  This phase really won't be in place until next September when the big game seasons open but we can fish and go after rabbits for the time being to supplement what we can buy from a butcher.

So there is my challenge Number 1 - Better Personal Health.

Challenge Number 2 - I want to improve my photography and videography.  I recently purchased new cameras and lenses.  Professional ones.  The ones from my Dream list.  So my challenge to myself is to take photos of 365 different species of birds in 2021.  This is an average of one a day and that sounds daunting but I have a trip planned to the Bahamas in May and this challenge will also force me out of my Colorado safety net.  It will mean a few weekend road trips to see more things and this will naturally improve my mood.  I also want to sell my photography and/or videography services so I will be starting a new business.  I don't have a name yet and I don't even know how to do it but I am putting it out there.  I think I want to focus on animals and could target people's pets as subjects but this will grow, evolve, and thrive as the year goes.  It will be fun to just get out and take photos/videos and I can always use them in my own business even if I never sell a single photo (like this photo of a tegu).  Plus taking photos/videos of 365 different species is an awesome challenge and so much fun.  I will have enough photos to make a calendar for 2022 or who knows what else.  It is getting out in nature, with my cameras, finding critters, and making myself happy.  So much better than sitting on the couch worrying about my future and the future of my children and if they will be happy.  So much better than anything else that I can think of right now.  I will probably add to this challenge as the year progresses with maybe mammals, reptiles, fish, and amphibians (the other vertebrate classes) but birds will get me started.

That is it - two challenges.  Both vague enough to go in any direction that feels good and both with enough structure to be a challenge.  Both will make me happier and help me with discovering myself.  I have been doing a lot of thinking about who I am and I don't know.  I have ALWAYS outsourced approval of who I am, what I do, and where I go.  These challenges will help me find self approval and to hell with everyone else's opinion unless I ask for it.  These challenges are non-negotiable for others to comment on - they are what I want to do.

Wasted Time - November 29

I forgot to write again yesterday but I was making videos so maybe that counts.  The only trouble is that the videos I make aren't about my journey and healing.  They are about snakes and other wildlife.  I wonder if they have the same effect though as I don't feel the need to write if I am recording and making videos.  Well - more recording videos.  The making part is fun too but that is also a bit of work (only because I am stuck inside on a computer).  The being in nature and secretly recording wildlife (if I am doing it right, it is a secret to them) doing what they do in nature naturally is the therapy part.  It makes me so happy.

But...  Isn't there always a but?  The but is that I have been conditioned and told over the years that spending time in the woods it a waste of time.  From as long as I can remember, people would tell me that looking for snakes was a waste of my time.  Lots of people too.  Friends, parents, teachers, professors, lovers - they all have made comments that looking for snakes so much makes me irresponsible.  That I should be doing something productive instead.  It wasn't that going out was discouraged.  No - I think I was told to go outside (maybe to get me away them).  It was the amount of time that I did it that was frowned upon.  I could spend hours and hours sitting in one spot waiting for a snake to reemerge from a hole.  Literally HOURS and I think this is what wasn't understood by anyone and can be viewed as a waste of time; that I should be doing something better with my time.

But...  And this but is in my favor.  This but is about what I learned and gained from sitting for hours waiting for a snake to emerge from a hole so that I can take its picture.  I learned about the snake.  I learned its habits.  I learned how it behaves without human interference.  I learned how it interacts with other snakes.  I got to witness things that no one else has witnessed (well - no one else except for the people like me).  And it isn't just snakes.  I once got video of a porcupine walking down a road at 2am in the middle of nowhere.  I got video of an opossum that was on the verge of playing dead (I didn't push it over the edge just for my video but I sure wanted to).  Just recently, I spent hours luring a squirrel into my house just to feed it a peanut.  The one thing that I haven't been very good at making videos of is birds.  Birds require a longer lens and a lot more patience.  Well, a different kind of patience.  They are constantly moving and flitting about making set up for videos difficult.  I prefer to set up my camera and leave it running.  Birds you have to follow around and get what you can when you can.  But I am going to try.  It will be a fun challenge.

Sitting and watching wildlife is my therapy.  It is better for me than anything else.  I need to end the feelings of guilt and shame that come with it though.  Those were projected and given to me from other people.  Those aren't my beliefs.  Those aren't my feelings.  Those aren't mine to own.  Being in nature with my camera makes me feel good.  That is what I need to focus on - the good feelings.  I need to focus on what makes me happy and NOT what other people think about me.  They can go fuck themselves and their opinions.  I am going to go outside and sit for HOURS in nature.