Exhausted

I woke up tired today.  Just plain exhausted as if I hadn’t slept at all when in fact, I slept so hard that I don’t remember falling asleep.  I think that this week is just catching up with me or maybe I need to stop binge watching “The Walking Dead until 1:00am each night?  Probably the latter.  My morning routine has reflected this too with me getting to work around 8:00am.  I used to get to work by 6:30am or 7:00am at the latest.  I still wake up at the same time but rather than get out of bed, I just let myself pretend to sleep until the chickens start begging for food.  Then I hop out of bed and sleepwalk my way into the garage to throw chicken scratch out the back door to shut them up.  It is time to adjust this routine - if only to beat the chickens out of bed so they don’t make any noise that may annoy the neighbors.  I am not interested in getting to work any earlier these days.  If the girls don’t get their chicken scratch at first light, they cuss loud enough to be heard several houses away.

 

A chicken selfie from last summer with one of the "loud" girls

My writing has gone to shit lately so please excuse these lame blog posts.  My days usually contain at least one fun or exciting experience that deserves to be put to pen and paper but I just haven’t been writing them down.  One could argue that I am too busy with work and the boys lately now that soccer has started but that is just a lame excuse.  I could also argue that I just haven’t figured out how to write about these daily adventures but that isn’t true.  The adventures would write themselves if I just sat down to write them. The truth is that I am a chronic procrastinator and this is behavior is not conducive to achieving my goals with writing.  Back to my “fuck it” attitude I alluded to in my last blog post, I am not going to worry about it and let writing come naturally again.  HA!  As I am writing this, the song “Summertime” by Jazzy Jeff and The Fresh Prince started playing in my ear - “And if it ain’t broke, then don’t try to fix it”  PERFECT TIMING!

So I am stuck today self-medicating my exhaustion with Diet Mountain Dew. 

 

 

Nine Gratitudes

Today is tough at the office. I have adopted my new “fuck it” attitude fairly well lately but that doesn’t help with the constant distraction of people around me that I don’t know. Yes – I have been in this office for almost 3 months now and the people I work with still don’t say hi or even make eye contact. I find this rude. Just this morning, I was in the kitchen when one of the “partners” came in to get coffee. I watched him walk across the room with his head down the entire way as if I didn’t exist – no eye contact or anything. To test him further, I said “good morning” and he did reply but still no eye contact. Maybe he was just hungover from his money grubbing (that has got to be exhausting) as he was one of the “partners” behind eliminating the receptionist’s position here for the sake of “progress and profit”. Yes, that is a direct quote from the “partners” during the all staff meeting immediately after they let her go. This office has grown to 75 people and they decide to let the one person go that kept the place running smoothly. Go figure but I guess I don’t understand the “progress and profit” business model. It must only work when employees are disgruntled and scared to have a conversation that is not work related (billable). Wait – they just fired the one person that can do unbillable tasks for the rest of us so we can stay billable and make more money. Seriously – I must not understand this business model.

 

Regardless – my new “fuck it” attitude is being tested today so I thought I should write about something not work related (or work related bitching might work too).  Here are 9 things I am grateful for today in no particular order:

 

1) In an attempt to drown out the noise and distractions at work, I got a wireless noise canceling headset and it is working miracles – I can’t hear my work headset ring anymore meaning no more phone calls at work.

 

Double headset at work

2) I was able to upload a short video of the family singing Happy Birthday last night to Jackson

 

3) I tweeted a photo of the gyro I ate for lunch and someone “liked’ it

 

Photo I tweeted

4) I successfully “squatted” at a desk reserved by someone else. They had a better workstation than I did and since they didn’t show up today, I just took theirs.  I am going to try again tomorrow. 

 

5) The snow that fell last night is already gone and warmer temps with SUN are forecast for the next week.

 

6) The Tennessee Natural Heritage Program boss contacted me about wanting to visit one of my project sites to look for Streamside Salamanders (Ambystoma barbouri). It just so happened that I had just booked my flight for meetings in Nashville next week and so I might actually get some field time to do what I am best at – looking and finding reptiles and amphibians. Gotta love perfect timing!

 

7) I am beginning to schedule snake talks again and was just recently interviewed by a local magazine writing a responsible article about rattlesnakes.

 

8) Outdoor soccer season has started again for the boys and I get to spend lots of time outdoors watching, playing, and coaching soccer.

 

9) Plans for me to reboot the Center for Snake Conservation are becoming concrete. The CSC has been on hold other than commenting on and watching what is going on in the herp world but it has needed a facelift. I am excited to say that in the next weeks, the facelift is going to be taking off and I can’t wait to share it all with you again.

 

I haven’t ever really been good at writing gratitude lists but I think that is because I overthink the lists. This list is just what came to mind that put a smile on my face. Some are humorous. Some are plans (can you be grateful for plans – YES!). Some are about as random as can be but that is who I am. Plus – random is fun. I might just have to start making more lists.

Snake Season

I woke up this morning happy.  This hasn’t happened in a long time and I am quite excited about it.  This morning’s happiness has led me to rethink my current situation.  I have been allowing the negative and nasty work environment I visit every day dominate my thoughts lately and if any of you believe in the power of attraction like I do, you know that this is a major problem for finding happiness.  I have been subconsciously attracting the negative and other shit into my life and this has got to stop.  This morning was quite eye opening and I am resolved to keep this happiness going to attract more happiness in the coming weeks.  Spring is almost here and that means SNAKE SEASON!  I need to be happy for Snake Season.

What is Snake Season?  Well – it depends on where you live but it really depends on what snakes you have in your area and if they are active or not.  For example, I was recently in Louisiana and despite cold and rainy weather; I knew I could find a watersnake out basking.  I just had to look hard enough.  In some places such as in southern Florida, southern California, or south Texas, you can find a snake on any day of the year so Snake Season never really ends.  In northern states, it can be short.  Here in Colorado, Snake Season runs from about the second week of March until mid-October.

Broad-banded Watersnake found February 2, 2016 near Gulfport, Louisiana

Regardless of when Snake Season starts, I need to be happy for it so I am super pumped I woke up smiling this morning.  It might be the gorgeous weather we are having this week.  It might be that soccer has started for my boys.  It might be that I am no longer caring about work and looking for options to get out of here as soon as possible.  There are so many reasons to be happy if you just look for one.  It is all about the power of attraction and making sure your energy is tuned towards the positive so that happiness just finds you – even in the middle of the night.

Here is a short video of my first snake in 2016 just because it makes me happy!

 

Surprise Me With Snakes

I haven't talked about it much but I lost over 50 snakes in January and February 2014.  I still don't know what killed them but I am assuming a virus or bacteria got into my snake room and wiped them all out.  Only 1 snake survived and this snake is very special to me.  He is a rosy boa given to me by a friend over ten years ago.  I am not here to cry about my snakes dying - that will be another post.  I just wanted to say that the loss of these snakes devastated me and I am finally recovering.

Rosy boa that survived the snake room devastation

For the last year, I have been cautiously, and slowly rebuilding my live snake teaching collection and very carefully watching for dying snakes.  So far so good other than an entire batch of sick snakes I received from a dealer last year - they all died and some of them were quite expensive.  I am happy to say that my other new snakes are thriving!!!

 

This brings me to this post, "Surprise Me With Snakes".  I want you to send me snakes in the mail.  Well, not through the USPS but FedEx.  Snakes are expensive and I am cashless right now.  Ringed pythons are on the top of my wish list right now as well as Savu pythons and African house snakes.  Here is how to order and have these snakes shipped to the Center for Snake Conservation:

1. Go to Big Apple Pet Supplies (www.bigappleherp.com)
2. Click "Live Animal Super Specials"
3. Click "Ringed Python"
4. Add one snake to cart (two if you really like me)
5. Check out
6. Ship to Cameron Young, Center for Snake Conservation, 1581 Ridgeview Drive, Louisville, CO 80027 (Phone: 720-245-1922 and email cayoung@snakeconservation.org)

That is it!  THANKS!

 

P.S.  Please note that this post is a complete joke - I don't and have never expected anyone to buy snakes for me.  However, why not post a wish list and see what happens?  You never know...

 

P.S.S. I also want/need this video camera (AX-100) to get back into the snake video making.  I have some really fun and educational ideas floating in my head.  I just need a new camera to make them happen.  :)

Music Speaks

How many of you just listen to music because you like it?  Crap – that is a stupid question.  Of course you like it or you wouldn’t listen to it.  But do you ever let the music speak to you?  I don’t mean just listen to the lyrics or feel the beat and let the words move you.  Instead, do you have a song that “speaks” to you?  I mean does music ever appear to in your life with purpose and meaning?  It does for me and it seems that music speaking to me is a common theme for my blog (a list of past music blogs are at the bottom of this post). 
 

Borrowed from The World Unplugged - https://theworldunplugged.wordpress.com/typesofmedia/music/

Growing up, I wasn’t really into music.  Sure I listened to it but I could never tell you the words or meaning of a song.  I couldn’t even tell you who wrote or sang a song.  My entire life, I have been envious of people that can recite song lyrics and know the band in the first three notes of a song but now I realize that I listen to music differently.  I don’t listen to music to enjoy it although I do enjoy music.  I listen to music to see if it speaks to me and what it could be saying. 

 

Before Pandora, I rarely listened to music.  As I mention above, I am not very good at knowing bands or who sings songs that I like on the radio.  This just led me to not listen to music unless someone else was listening to it.  But Pandora has changed this.  Pandora picks the playlist for me and I think this is why music speaks to me regularly now.  The universe knows what energy I need and then plays a song that fits my mood or feeling at that moment.  The music speaks.

This morning is a GREAT example of this and it has continued through the day today (more on why I am listening to music at work in a bit).  My routine each morning is to drive to the bus stop (I should be riding my bike but that is another story) listening to Mike & Mike (sports radio show).  If they are having a conversation that I want to continue to listen to, I open the ESPN Radio app on my phone and keep listening.  However, most mornings I am not interested in what they are talking about so as I walk across the pedestrian bridge to cross the highway to catch my bus, I start the Pandora app.   Not only do I enjoy the music but it often speaks to me (see previous blogs listed below).  Here is how the music spoke to me this morning:

First song this morning:  1-8-7 on an Undercover Cop by Dr. Dre (click here to listen).  187 is the California Penal Code for murder and the song is a pretty graphic song about gangster life in Los Angeles.  First question I can hear you asking yourself right now is "Why is Cameron listening to Gangster Rap?" and I don’t really have an answer for you.  It fits my mood these days and this song really nailed it this morning.  Today is my first day reporting to my new company’s office.   I feel like everything at work has been taken away and I am just in the system.   I lost my office with a door and now I just sit at a workstation.  I feel demoted and underappreciated for my skills and work.  I am now just one of the masses at an office job.  This is something that I have never felt before and I want out.  As Dr. Dre writes and sings, “I got my eyes on the shit unfolding.  And there ain’t gonna be no trippin’ cause they know the type of shit that I be holding.”

My new "workspace" at work



I then checked my horoscope.  I used to check this frequently but haven’t in a long time but hey if the Universe is speaking to me through music, why not check my horoscope as well?  BAM!  It hit me hard. 

My horoscope for the 14th of December, 2015

My current situation is buried deep in the dirt and I have to trust that the sun is up there shining down.  If I can trust the sun, I will sprout and have a chance to grow big and beautiful.  I am not sure if this is with my current employer but I have a feeling it is talking about my snake dream.

I make the sun shine in my so called "workspace" with a snake (it isn't real unfortunately)

Immediately after I read my horoscope, the song Clint Eastwood by Gorillaz cued up on Pandora.  Bam – music speaks (listen here).  I don’t normally put an entire song’s lyrics into my blog but this is just too perfect not too.

 

"Clint Eastwood"

I ain't happy, I'm feeling glad
I got sunshine in a bag
I'm useless but not for long
The future is coming on
I ain't happy, I'm feeling glad
I got sunshine in a bag
I'm useless but not for long
The future is coming on
It's coming on
It's coming on
It's coming on

Yeah... Ha Ha!
Finally someone let me out of my cage
Now, time for me is nothing cause I'm counting no age
Now I couldn't be there
Now you shouldn't be scared
I'm good at repairs
And I'm under each snare
Intangible
Bet you didn't think so I command you to
Panoramic view
Look I'll make it all manageable
Pick and choose
Sit and lose
All you different crews
Chicks and dudes
Who you think is really kickin' tunes?
Picture you gettin' down in a picture tube
Like you lit the fuse
You think it's fictional?
Mystical? Maybe.
Spiritual
Hero who appears in you to clear your view when you're too crazy
Lifeless
To those the definition for what life is
Priceless
To you because I put you on the high shit
You like it?
Gun smokin' righteous with one toke
You're psychic among those
Possess you with one go

I ain't happy, I'm feeling glad
I got sunshine in a bag
I'm useless but not for long
The future is coming on
I ain't happy, I'm feeling glad
I got sunshine in a bag
I'm useless but not for long
The future (that's right) is coming on
It's coming on
It's coming on
It's coming on

The essence the basics
Without did you make it
Allow me to make this
Child-like in nature
Rhythm
You have it or you don't that's a fallacy
I'm in them
Every sprouting tree
Every child of peace
Every cloud and sea
You see with your eyes
I see destruction and demise (that's right)
Corruption in disguise
From this fuckin' enterprise
Now I'm sucked into your lies
Through Russel, not his muscles but percussion he provides
For me as a guide
Y'all can see me now 'cause you don't see with your eye
You perceive with your mind
That's the inner
So I'mma stick around with Russ and be a mentor
Bust a few rhymes so motherfuckers remember where the thought is
I brought all this
So you can survive when law is lawless (right here)
Feelings, sensations that you thought was dead
No squealing, remember that it's all in your head

I ain't happy, I'm feeling glad
I got sunshine in a bag
I'm useless but not for long
The future is coming on
I ain't happy, I'm feeling glad
I got sunshine in a bag
I'm useless but not for long
My future is coming on
It's coming on
It's coming on
It's coming on
It's coming on
My future is coming on
It's coming on
It's coming on
It's coming on
It's coming on
My future is coming on
It's coming on
It's coming on
It's coming on
It's coming on
My future is coming on
It's coming on
It's coming on
My future is coming on
It's coming on
It's coming on
My future is coming on
It's coming on
It's coming on
My future

My future is coming on.  Damn!  This is incredibly powerful for me right now.  I am stuck in bad place but the music speaks  and is telling me that my future is coming on.

As my bus was exiting the interstate into downtown Denver, “Time to Get Ill” by the Beastie Boys (Click here to listen) started playing in my ears.  Perfection!  

 

“I'm not the type of person who like to waste my time
And when I'm on the mic I just say my rhymes
And I'm out on bail, the check is in the mail
They can sentence me to life but I won't go to jail
I'm cool calm collected, from class I was ejected” 

My new office and current job are jail and I won’t go there.  It is “time to get ill” and find my way out of here.

My boss and another coworker doomed into "workspace hoteling land"

As I got on the elevator to head up to the 17^th floor of my current corporate job hell, Eminem was rapping through my headphones.  More explicit and inappropriate lyrics but damn, they spoke to me as I was headed up the elevator.   The song – Bitch Please II (Click here to listen).

“somehow, someway - tell 'em, nigga
You know about Dogg-ay
Now let me cut these niggaz up and show em where da fuck I'm comin from
I get the party crackin from the shit that I be spittin son
Hit-and-run, get it done, get the funds, split and run”

Was all this a coincidence?  You can believe that but I believe in magic.  I believe that we can control our own destiny with the energy we attract and draw upon throughout our lives.  I am struggling with finding the positive energy that will propel me to reach my dream but I know it is there.  I have to have faith that the sun is shining bright and all I need to do is sprout.  Once I sprout and my cotyledons reach the light, I will grow straight, strong, and beautiful.  I will believe that my future is bright, I have to wear shades.

The song playing right now on Pandora is “Don’t You (Forget About Me)” by the Simple Minds (Listen here).  Music speaks…

Blogs inspired by the music that speaks to me:

Ordinary Average Guy
Bittersweet Symphony
18 Wheeler
Bucket List #9 - Karaoke
White Men Can't Jump
Can't Stop The Sun
Take It Easy
Forgive Me, Forgive Me Not, Why Can't I Forgive Myself

View from my new office but not from my office - I don't have an office anymore and I certainly don't have a window.

 

 

Two Balls

Today marks a sad day for me.  I am losing my office tomorrow and today is the day I take everything home with me.  I am losing my office because the company I work for was bought by a much larger consulting firm that wanted access to our clients and projects.  Well they got it but in their purchase, I am losing my office.  I have had an office with a door for the last 10 years and I am not sure if I am going to know how to operate in cube land.  Actually, the new company doesn't even have cubes - they use an open floor plan with dog-bone workstations.  They use a "hoteling" system to reserve workstations for a week or two at a time.  Research has shown that this type of work environment is lousy and does not increase productivity but rather breeds resentment and a miserable work environment.  I guess I will learn if I can work in this environment next week but I can already tell you that my new co-workers are not going to like the chaos and noise I bring to the workplace.

 

As I whine and cry with my co-workers (we are an office of 7 people that work incredibly well together) about our move, I have been looking for any excuse NOT to work.  Yes - I am still getting my job done but it is the in-between times that find me looking at old photos, surfing the internet, and even shopping for Christmas gifts for my boys.  That is when I found this photo I titled "Two Balls".

Two Balls

I took this SnakeSelfie last winter on a sunny afternoon in my living room.  The snakes were new to me and I needed to get to know them before I used them in any snake programs.  I don't mind being bitten by snakes but I cannot have any of my snakes bite anyone else - that would just not be good for business.  The snake on my right shoulder is a biter but the snake on my left shoulder is a sweetheart. 

 

The photo title, "Two Balls", has double meaning in that it references the species of snake - ball python and it references the male anatomy.  Now, I can already feel you rolling your eyes at me and hear your thought of "that's disgusting" but really it is kind of funny if you can just let your immature self out for a moment.  I certainly can and probably do let my immaturity out too much but right now that is my frame of mind.  I am moving into an office where I am being treated as a dollar sign rather than an employee (new company is all about profit) and forced to work in a setting that resembles the a computer lab with white noise blaring from speakers to help drown out conversations.  This is a perfect storm to bring out my immaturity and this photo represents my mood almost perfectly if you can remove the sadness of losing my office.

 

I let my immature frame of mind about this move slip during a recent "integration" meeting that the new company had with us a few weeks ago.  They were introducing the "hoteling" and open floor plan to us in addition to other benefit related changes (I never even knew that there could be a spousal surcharge for health insurance).  During a pause in their presentation, I raised my hand and asked what day and time the Nerf wars occurred.  You should have seen the blank stares I got and the two people giving the presentation are two of the folks I thought had the better senses of humor in the new company.  FUCK - I am so screwed.

Seating Chart for my first week at the new office

One positive is that my boss is also having to give up his office and will join me in "hotel hell".  Just this week, we received our assigned workstations and Andrew (my boss) is close enough to shoot rubber bands at throughout the day.  Actually, at a previous employer, he was a part of the rogue group in their cube land that was responsible for a rubber band policy banning all shooting of rubber bands in the office.  I can see similar policy being enforced in our near future.

 

So despite all the negatives of being sold to a company with a very different and profit driven culture, I think my work family will find a way to bring our fun with us.  If not, I can only hope to be laid off so I will be forced to pursue my snake dream.

Seeing Past The Obstacles

Let me preface this blog post with this is not my best work but it needs to be published regardless.  I started this post last April when I took the two sunrise photos on my way into work one morning and never finished it.  It is rough, very rough but it really identifies something about myself that I need to acknowledge and address.  Here is my post and hopefully I can write another one soon that can share the successes of my journey to see past the obstacles.

 

 

 

Everywhere I look, I see obstacles and it is really beginning to piss me off.  This happens not only in my physical view of the world but also in how I view myself. 

Powerlines obstructing a beautiful sunrise

My experience with most other humans is that they never see the obstacles impeding our views.  I have heard people marvel at the beauty of the sunrise or sunset but all I see are the powerlines obstructing my view.  Everywhere I drive, I see the underground pipelines that have bisected our landscape.  The roads themselves are obstacles to our planet's true beauty but do people really see them?  I don't think so.  Many people think cities, buildings, and bridges are pretty but I see concrete and steel polluting my view.

I wish I were gifted enough to see past the obstacles.  I need a shift in my perspective. I know I am unhappy (even angry) with my current place in life but what have I done to make a change - lately, I haven't done much. 

I have wallowed in my anger that things aren't moving anywhere with my snake dreams but do I try to make them move?  Not really.  I just see the obstacles in my path to achieving my dreams.  I see the lack of time, the lack of money, and the lack of support as negatives and obstacles.  I don't see the positive and wonderful view of my work, the lives I have touched, the opinions I have changed, or the inspiration of my snake talks.  No.  I do think I can see these things but they are blocked by the obstacles I create for myself. 

It is time to see past the obstacles and I hope I can find ways to articulate my journey to reprogram my brain.  Right now, I am just spinning at my desk trying to figure out what to do next but isn't this already a success?  I know what I need to do - I need to see past the obstacles.

Concrete and steel with sunrise