As you know, I carry a camera everywhere I go - sometimes it is just my iPhone camera but it is an excellent little camera for documenting what I see and experience. Yesterday, I went for a quick 2.5 mile lunch walk to make sure I got out and enjoyed at least some of the beautiful day. The walk wasn't the greatest but I did see some chalk graffiti that I had to take a picture of - someone had written a statement that definitely warrants some thought.
|"What Defines Us Is How Well We Rise After Falling"|
I have been trying to define myself through the eyes of others. This is an impossible task and should never be attempted. There is absolutely no way of knowing exactly what others want of us. We cannot guess what they are thinking about us. We cannot trust that they will tell us the absolute truth about what they think of us (who cares anyway?). No - there is no way to define yourself through the eyes of others.
So how then do I define myself? I have a screwed up and skewed view of who I should be because I have spent so much of my life worrying about what others think about me. I live in fear that I am upsetting those around me because I cannot meet their expectations. This fear has kept me from taking chances and risks for success. This fear has led me to create an expectation of failure so that when I have a small success or don't fail as bad - I can look good in the eyes of others. WTF - that is like getting a box full of rotten bananas in the mail - just wrong and gross.
The chalk graffiti I photographed yesterday offers another way to define myself. I have fallen and I am finally beginning to understand my fall. What I haven't found yet is when, where, and how to rise. This may be where I look to find the true Cameron that no longer hides behind a veil of failure and insecurity. My rise will define who I become; who I am. My therapy will continue to help me create a new definition for Cameron.