Monday, November 11, 2013

Dirty Joke

Okay - time for a dirty joke.  This joke is not approved for kids or people without a sense of humor.  If you are one of those two - please stop reading now.  I have inserted a random video below this paragraph to give you chance to leave without your eyes automatically reading the next sentence.  I repeat, if you are easily offended especially please stop reading now!

Two very attractive women from New York City decided to spend a long weekend enjoying the beaches of Florida.  Since they were young and loved to wear shoestrings as a swimsuit they found themselves right at home on South Beach.  They tanned, they partied, and they danced for three straight days.  They were scheduled to fly out the next evening but they were just having so much fun that they both agreed that next time they would have to stay longer.

The next morning (they day they fly back to New York) they ate a quiet breakfast and discussed what they wanted to do for the day.  They decided not to go the beach again because it was hot there and they would have no place to shower after they checked out of the hotel.  Then one of them had a brilliant idea.  She exclaimed, "Let's go see the real Florida!  We have spent all our time in Miami that we don't know anything about the rest of the state".  So they got in their rental car and headed northwest.

The two women drove through the sugarcane plantations east of Lake Okeechobee, through the cattle country on the north side of the lake, then continue northwest until they started seeing orange groves.  The two women were stopping every hour or so to take selfies.  Selfies are photos taken with a smartphone and then posted immediately on a social network site so your "friends" know what you are doing at that very moment.  At each stop, both women started to realize that it was getting hotter and hotter.  For those of you who have been in central Florida, you should remember this heat.  It is humid, there is no breeze, and the sun is relentless.

At the third stop, the two women were just dying of the heat and wishing that they had stayed at the beach in Miami where at least there is a breeze.  As they were busy blaming each other for the miserable trip they were having, one of the women had another brilliant idea.  Both women were wearing skirts so she exclaimed, "Let's take off our underwear.  I bet it will be much cooler with our panties off".  So they both pulled off their underwear and stuff them into their luggage.  At the next stop to take selfies, both women commented that the heat did not seem to be as bad now that they weren't wearing underwear.

Well they finally made it to the orange groves just as the workers were taking a lunch break.  Both women were eager to find out if they could each pick an orange from one of the trees but were nervous about approaching the large groups of workers.  They drove around until they found an old woman sitting by herself with a cat of all things in the shade of a tree eating a watermelon.  The tree she was under was still full of oranges so the two women parked and got out of their car to ask for an orange.  As they approached the old woman, they noticed she was wearing a skirt, had her knees up to balance the watermelon, and was NOT wearing underwear.  The two women looked at each other in disbelief that this woman was not wearing any underwear.  One of the women said, "Hey, we see that you are not wearing any underwear.  It took us all morning to figure out that we would be cooler not wearing any and here you are doing the same thing.  Do you find it cooler too?"

The old woman responded, "I am not sure about it being cooler but it sure keeps the flies off my watermelon".

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